"I Am Not I" - "我不再是自己"


I am not I.

I am this one
walking beside me whom I do not see,
whom at times I manage to visit,
and whom at other times I forget;
who remains calm and silent while I talk,
and forgives, gently, when I hate,
who walks where I am not,
who will remain standing when I die.

My painting was inspired by the poem of Juan Ramon Jimenez "I Am Not I", translated by Robert Bly. Please view a better image at: http://fineartamerica.com/featured/i-am-not-i-xueling-zou.html
Storytelling artist Xueling Zou who works in ♦️ watercolor & ♦️ oil mediums on ♦️ original art Plein Air paintings. Ship worldwide since 2010 @ https://about.me/xuelingzou@ about.me/xuelingzou or http://xueling-zou.pixels.com

Original Art Story

A female model's first sitting

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It was a rainy Saturday this Easter weekend.  I went to an evening live model session at Lynn's studio by chance that I found through Instagram, also it was very close where I live.   About 10 artists showed up, and one came all the way from Oakland on such a rainy weekend.  Painting and photography are unique arts. As we see in the work of old masters, great painting captures instead the outward molding of inner feeling that is truer to the individual than any momentary expression.  Because artist adds emotion into the painting it is unique to the individual.  Different color palettes, brushstrocks, or different perpectives to catch the likelness of the model.   Painting a model in realistic style isn't as important to me as capturing the essence of the model's expression.  I don't use a reference photo to copy a model, instead I use my eye and my hands to capture the expression from life, practise during the precious moments of the painting session. Of course, I use r
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Plein Air @ Santa Clara University Santa Clara CA

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Nice weather in the afternoon, I wanted to do something different and escape from my current "bottleneck" situation. But I realized half way to the location that I didn't bring my tripod. Lucky it was not far away to go back and get it. All the students were on school vacation, so it was perfect timing to paint on the campus.  And the winter lighting is always especially beautiful. Found a corner of the garden and noticed that one side looked more complicated than the other one.  I chose the easier side to paint, and focused on a monochromatic expression to see what could make it look different.  In the end I added a small amount of color to certain objects, my work really looked different.   I decided to stop, but might continue this way of practicing... Started the new year without any resolutions, but frustration that I won't able have my home studio time undisturbed, I can not get 30 minutes of meditation time in. No one is perfect for sure. Who likes having argum
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Six hours study with the same sitter

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I thought I would paint a head portrait, but instead did a figurative study again on a used 16"x20" panel. Had to work on his legs more. Continued using my leftover Veridian Green.  Anyway the lighting system in the studio was cooler.   He was a very professional model, and we had him again for our evening short pose three-hour session.  He read a book instead of using his smart phone during each break, seems usual these days.   Pages of drawings I did,  and I was tired after two sessions total of six hours painting and drawing the same model. I was wondering if our sitter was exhausted too.  (March 19 2024)
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Sketching @ Apple Park Cupertino CA

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Thought to do something different, Apple Park was a good place for sketching and not far from where I live. and some of our local artists were meeting up there today.  Sun came out this morning after weeks of rain. I was not well prepared for it. Found my pencils, sketch book, eraser and outdoor chair in a rush. Felt I should have more hands to carry each of them, why didn't I grab a bag and have everything in it? Warm in the sun, but not in the shade. There were many young olive trees, I guessed that they were the same age as the Apple Headquarters. Tried one sketch that had architecture, and one very stylish artist I drew her into my work. Then I started to draw other artists. Walked through the Apple park's "mirage" sculpture takes shape as iridescent glass pillars winding through trees. Chatted with several artists to catchup, left after in the afternoon. (January 25 2024)
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Portrait and figurative studies of a model

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A good model can inspire an artist to be creative and productive. Studying from a live model is always challenging. We were lucky to have very profession model Zoe being our sitter for two sections. The first week I did a full body study. Though I went to the studio half an hour early, most of the good seats were already taken. I grabbed the last middle one, so painted Zoe straight on. A week later, I brought my first figurative study back and correct a little bit. Then I worked on a 12"x16" portrait. Both sections I used pallet knives mostly and painted on used canvases.  The figurative one is 16"x20".  Nice of her that she posed herself next to our paintings in the end. Went back home and worked for hours correcting as the limited time wasn't allow me to do the details. For instance, her eyes looked more like she was meditating. And I added to my own interpretation into the portrait. Short pose drawing in the evening, Short pose drawings from our favorite ball
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Plein Air @ Elim Assembly of God Church Santa Clara CA 加州風景寫生

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My third time coming to paint this Gothic Revival style church.  Once I painted it in the late afternoon.  Today I painted in the morning. There was a red SUV parked in front, but I had no idea when it had been switched to a white one. It was not a quite an intersection, cars and people were passing by, some of them on the bikes or other kinds of transports. I noticed that there was guy cleaning the front of the church, so I painted him into my work. (October 16 2023)
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Plein Air @ Mission San José Fremont CA 加州風景寫生

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I didn't plan where to paint today until driving down the road, I thought it should not be more than 10 miles driving, but I missed the turn and had to u-turn a couple of times. I decided to paint at Niles in Fremont again. I was surprised that there was almost no traffic on #880, but the traffic started after I got on the Mission Road. I waited inside the car patiently, noticed it was 96 degrees outside. Felt the waiting time was much longer than the travel all the way here. Passing through the Mission San José, suddenly I remembered that I wanted to paint this gorgeous historic building each time I passed by, why not today? Got off the main road, parked my car, then saw a better shady spot and parked the car.  Walked to see where I could paint.  Then walked back to my car and re-parked near where I painted. It was really hot, I set up my station under an old pepper tree that gave me the most shade. It was almost 4 pm by then and I had to buy bread, the shop closed at 6pm. I did
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Live study of a young model in a red dress

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We had a young girl sitter today who was wearing a red dress. She sat on a piece of greenish color cloth. I liked it, because I finally got to use some "left over" colors, expecially Veridian Green which I had a huge tube of for over twenty years and had only used a tiny squeeze of. Started sketching on a 16"x20" used panel, I painted in a more comtemporary color scheme by using Cadmium Red and Veridian Green together as complementary colors. I painted her full figure, just because I liked her black shoes. During each break, she studied with a pack of flash cards cards in her hands, seemed like she was in school and preparing exams. Three-hour sessions are never enough time for a portrait, so I went home to correct and add a few more details after. Happy with the result. (March 5 2024)
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Plein Air @ Ed Levin County Park, Milpitas CA

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It was not a warm morning, but the rain finally stopped. My husband drove me to the location, then he visited a friend who lived nearby. My first time coming here to paint.  Peaceful morning with the other artists, only could hear birds singing.  It is still our winter time in 50's and partly cloudy, I did several sketches.  Tried a German made fountain pen lent to me from another artist.  It was really a nice one, I might buy one. Sun came out later and brought the temperature up a little bit, then I did a quick watercolor sketch. Saw our friend and had nice chat with her, she introduced us to another park nearby. I would try to paint next time. (February 12 2024)
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Plein Air @ Home on a Rainy Day CA

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Raining season finally has come.  It was the challenging part of Plein Air. Rained over night, a little unpredictable during daytime, not easy for painting outdoors. My husband pointed out the unique clouds outside our home window this morning. Fall colors were still there, also there were cooler colors in the distance with the fogginess. Wonderful for a watercolor work I thought. I brought my Plein Air painting pack upstairs, and started an "indoor" plein air landscape painting. Actually, I've wanted to paint the view outside our front of the window for over a decade of living at here, especially during the winter, when the scenery looks more beautiful after most of the leaves have fallen. There was an orange tree in the neighbor's backyard. I changed it to a pine tree, to carry some spirit of the coming holidays since there is no snow in our location. I enjoyed painting inside, didn't have to suffer from the cold or hot. windy or sunburn weather... but it
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