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May 6, 2013

Before Exams

I still have the nightmares about how nervous I was during exams, how much I was afraid to fail, and how hard the exam questions were, or there never was enough time to finish what I tried to write, after I had been done with school for so long... I guess our Chinese culture trains us that we should do our best in our classes, if one failed, you could loose your own face and your family's, friends', etc..


My mother was too busy with her work, and never paid too much attention to how I was doing, but I knew if I could get straight A's, I could get to travel allowance, which I always looked forward to. I was kind of lost for quite a long time, didn't know what to learn, I mean that I didn't find any subject I had passion for. Of course, I enjoyed very much studying at school for as long as I could remember (I believe that I love the learning process, at the same time I hate all the exams, though I am not a book warm type.). So many awards I earned of Mathematics and Literature (in Chinese). But I never had confidence like many others' before and during exams, only hard labors... Then, I chose the most difficult journey - to study overseas.

First, English is my second language. Chinese and English are totally different languages for sure! I had to pass all the exams in English, endless books and essays... I could not believe how I had done it, but I still make mistakes each day now in English. Interestingly, I did much better at school than some of the native English speakers most of time. I never failed any exam and I was able to keep my high marks kept going back to learn more...

Finally, I've found my passion - art twelve years ago, in 2001. I have to tell myself in a very positive way that it is never to be too late to learn. Keep learning, it is really a life time course for me! Now I am very happy that I can paint, but I seldom dream about painting, only the old horrible exams that still haunt me, though I gave away all my old books those I carried from country to countries ...

I hope this painting can help me to release one of my negative feeling of all the previous exams.

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